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The Console Wars
The Console Wars: Battle of Black Friday is a feature-length parody by Joster285. Uploaded in nine parts from December 15 to December 23, 2013, this parody marks Joster's return to Downfall parodies ending his retirement. The parody is a satire on the next-gen console war, the fanbases lashing out at each other, Black Friday, and this generation's gaming community in general. Joster sees this as his most personal parody. Plot Opening text (available in extended version) On June 2013, Microsoft and Sony each announce their new next-generation consoles on E3: Sony’s PlayStation 4 and Microsoft’s Xbox One. Microsoft would go on to announce that the Xbox One would require 24-hour online checkups, DRM, and there would be a fee for playing used games. Said policies were met with outrage and Microsoft would get lampooned by the gaming community. Efforts to restore faith in Microsoft wound up coming off as arrogant and stubborn. Meanwhile, Sony counterattacks Microsoft with their press conference for the PS4. Microsoft would get ripped apart even more via fanboys posting repetitive Xbox One jokes, lame punning, obnoxious Sony praising, and cringe-inducingly annoying Pro-PS4 gifs. Eventually, Microsoft gets rid of the checkups, the DRM, and the used game policy to appease the gaming community only to be met with more condescending and irritating Xbox bashing. It would become apparent that gamers of this generation refuse to be happy and just want to bitch, moan, whine, and start fights with each other on gaming console articles around the Internet, not once thinking about the most important aspect: the games. Then, after the consoles launched, the big day came... BLACK FRIDAY. Chapter 1: Black Friday It's November 29 and Black Friday has just begun. It also means that the Console War is going to get even more needlessly out of control as both sides launch artillery strikes at each other (At one point, an Xbox One is used as an artillery shell). Hitler learns of the situation from Weidling whom decides to return to the bunker due to a merciless attack on his post moments after he bought a Wii U online. Meanwhile, an old school gamer comes across a group of Nintendo fans trying to make it through Black Friday sales while berating a poser for not being a true gamer and Schenck decides to close down his supply warehouse in protest of the Console War. Chapter 2: Elite Fanboy Tensions Weidling makes it to the bunker expecting his Wii U and Himmler and Fegelein decide to leave Berlin anticipating PC gamers to get in on the chaos. Hitler is brought down by the state of the Console War losing faith in gaming and feeling ashamed. Meanwhile, Krebs goes to pester Microsoft about the Xbox One's Kinect and gives them his personal info to "save them some trouble." Annoyed by him, the CEO scolds him by telling him to burn his webcam, phone, and computer since Krebs is a government conspiracy nut. Later on, Goebbels is attacked by Sony gamers having his Xbox One destroyed in the process. He asks Traudl to use one of her systems whom offers to give up her own Xbox One for him. Chapter 3: The PC Gamers Sitting in the Rec Room with Burgdorf, Krebs, and Bormann, Weidling sees Hitler's point about today's generation of gaming. Meanwhile, in the middle of the Console War, a couple Nintendo fans are hiding in an artillery crater avoiding any crossfire. Then, PC gamers are seen coming in as one Nintendo fan, Peter Kranz, panics and tries to run. He's stopped and told not to worry since most people don't pay much attention to Nintendo nowadays. However, once the PC gamers start drawing first blood, Peter flees as the battle progresses on into the night. Now that the PC gamers have arrived, all console fanbases are getting ripped apart. Mohnke then decides to get every Nintendo fan off the streets. Chapter 4: An Unlikely Alliance In the bunker, a gunshot is heard from Hitler's room. Günsche goes to investigate to find out that Hitler shot his TV in a fit of rage from dying so many times on Ghouls 'n Goblins. Now, he's gonna need a new TV as he refuses to step foot outside. Günsche suggests getting Fegelein to do it while Hitler immediately objects. Eventually, he does agree as he sends Högl to the FegelBrothel to bring Fegelein to the bunker where he assigns him the task much to the bunker crew's surprise. Chapter 5: Escape from Black Friday Now that Fegelein is assigned to get Hitler a new TV along with an Xbox One, he is going to be aided by Keitel, Jodl, Krebs, and Burgdorf much to their doubts. Meanwhile, Schenck gets a call from Mohnke to bring over supplies for evacuating Nintendo fans. Schenck is reluctant at first, but agrees to do so as Mohnke begins evacuation after Fegelein and his partners go into the tunnels. Chapter 6: Verrat! Fegelein gets separated from the others while moving through the tunnels. He is then captured by PC gamers and it's revealed that Krebs is behind the PC gamer invasion. As he's about to execute Fegelein, the others come to his rescue as he and Krebs get into a fight. Meanwhile, up in the surface as Nintendo fans are being escorted, they see casual gamers trying to catch up with them until they are gunned down. Back in the tunnels, it looks like the group is going to die until Himmler comes in by surprise gunning down the PC gamers and scaring off Krebs. Back in the surface, the soldiers take refuge in a demolished Wal-Mart as Hewel joins up with them. Chapter 7: Last Honor It's the morning after as Peter wakes up in a crater. As he is moving down the streets trying to get home, he comes across a woman wearing a gas mask pushing a baby stroller. Back in the Wal-Mart ruins, Schenck attempts to change some people's views on gaming and the Console War saying that it shouldn't matter if one console has more powerful specs, graphics, and higher resolution games than the other. However, once it's announced that the Xbox One outsold the PlayStation 4 on Black Friday, Hewel and Stehr, both of whom are Sony fans, commit suicide. Chapter 8: Aftermath The soldiers make it to the evacuation point as the PC gamers seem to have left. They are informed that Fegelein and the others got the TV and Xbox while managing to have Krebs in custody after learning about his part in the invasion. Much later on, Weidling takes over Kreb's position as Chief of the General Staff as he announces a new law enacted by Hitler requiring every gamer and fanbase to put aside all prejudices & rivalries and start coming together in peace. Peter manages to make it home to his parents (His father being the old school gamer from Chapter 1). Epilogue It's Christmas day. Traudl, Gerda, and Eva step outside to have a smoke. Goebbels is getting ready to play some Ryse: Son of Rome. Krebs is executed by Burgdorf. Hitler walks into his room to find Fegelein standing next to a 3D HDTV and an Xbox One with Dead Rising 3. Extended Version On January 18, 2014, Joster released The Console Wars on his Vimeo channel as one whole video . The Vimeo upload features a prologue setting up the concept of the parody as well as over 8 minutes of additional footage featuring Schenck witnessing casual gamers getting executed by PC gamers, Fegelein informing Himmler about his task from Hitler, and Peter Kranz briefly reuniting with his parents. Sequel In a month-time span from January to February 2015, Joster made a follow-up to Console Wars titled Resolution Revolution. Another follow-up is currently being plannedHitler is informed that DiCaprio won an Oscar. Trivia * Prior to the release of this parody, Joster made a shorter, 3-minute parody regarding the Console War. * In Chapter 6, Max Müller (Schenck’s adjutant) dies instantly after getting shot in the cheek, yet in the last chapter, he is alive and unscathed. ** Unterganger's Note: ...He got better... References External links *Playlist Category:Feature-length Parodies Category:War Category:Completed parodies